What’s a great gift for my birthday today? More and more premieres. Woooo. My dvr is cursing at me right now from all the things its taping.

8/7c – ABC – The Middle – Season 4 Premiere. Frankie’s plans to recreate the magic of her own childhood summers get spoiled when Mike lets it slip that Axl is his favorite Heck child, and Frankie tries to coax the kids into telling them who their favorite parent is. Meanwhile, when Frankie and Mike discover that Axl failed English during the past school year, they force him to make it up in summer school, otherwise he could jeopardize any chance of getting a college sports scholarship after graduation; Brick takes up growing a tomato for his summer project; and Sue tries to bond with a reluctant Mike and to get him involved in different activities with her — which she plans to document in a giant scrapbook.

9/8c – CBS – Criminal Minds – Season 8 Premiere. When a Texas prisoner escapes during a transfer, he leaves behind victims with his unique trademark, sewing their mouths shut, a signature the BAU remembers as unique to the UnSub “The Silencer.” While they investigate who he was and who he’s become, the BAU also gets to know the newest member of the team.

9/8c – NBC – Law & Order: SVU – Season 14 Premiere. The squad is reeling from the fallout after Cragen gets arrested for the murder of an escort. Tensions run high at the precinct as the detectives contend with the DA’s investigation of Cragen, as well as the arrival of a tough new captain. Brian Cassidy reads an increasingly narrow line as an undercover cop in Bart Ganzel’s escort organization, as Detective Amaro struggles with the case and his marriage.

9/8c – ABC – Modern Family – Season 4 Premiere. Jay’s birthday is upon us again and, as before, he makes it well-known that he wishes to keep it as low-key as possible, with no grand gestures or surprises. But leave it to the family to miss the mark yet again! Phil takes Jay on a very unconventional fishing trip with his buddies, and Gloria struggles with how to break the pregnancy news to him. Meanwhile, Dylan moves into the Dunphy household temporarily, and Mitch and Cam decide to look into adopting a cat as they continue to cope with their failed attempt to adopt another child.

9:30/8:30c – ABC – The Neighbors – Series Premiere. Marty, in hopes of providing a better life for his wife and three kids, recently bought a home in Hidden Hills, a gated New Jersey townhome community with its own golf course. It’s clear from day one that the residents of Hidden Hills are a little different. The Weavers soon learn that the entire community is comprised of aliens from Zabvron, where the men bear children and everyone cries green goo from their ears. They are awaiting instructions from home, and the Weavers are the first humans they’ve had the opportunity to know. The two worlds collide as everyone discovers they can “totally relate” and learn a lot from each other.

10/9c – CBS – CSI – Season 13 Premiere. Russell’s granddaughter was kidnapped in last season’s finale cliffhanger and now he leads the CSI team on a hunt to find her.

10/9c – ABC – Revenge: The First Chapter – Catch up on the show before Season 2 starts up on Sunday September 30. This would be good to watch if you have forgotten what happened or are new to the show.

10/9c – Comedy Central – South Park – Season 16 Premiere. As a concerned parent, Randy radically changes the way football gets played at South Park Elementary. The new version of the game quickly becomes the nation’s most popular sport. One gifted student emerges as a star athlete in Sarcastaball.

10:30/9:30c – Comedy Central – Key & Peele – Season 2 Premiere. The guys continues to tackle issues like race relations in a less than “post-racial” society and focus on culturally relevant characters such as Steve Jobs and the King of Pop himself, Michael Jackson in this hilarious sketch comedy show.